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Secretary Day

from Holiday Tripper by Charlie Crane

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about

When I was 13, I was commissioned by an Office Helper* to write a song and play it to the secretarial staff of my junior high school. I sang it in the front office to a prerecorded backing track, dancing awkwardly during the instrumental break.

*Office Helpers were students who got to leave class at regular intervals to perform administrative busywork (sealing envelopes and the like). Their mention in this song's final verse did not get the giant guffaws I was hoping for.

lyrics

Choosing appointments to postpone
Answering the office phone
Their mom says that they've got a cold
But you have to put them on hold

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might seem way too hairy
But they're the super secretaries

Typing papers about school events
Making school-wide announcements
Baseball practice is canceled
Talking to people who've been expelled

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might make you quite weary
But they're the super secretaries

Being there makes you quite astute
As to which classes need substitutes
But the thankless chore has gotten much better
With the unpaid assistance of office helpers

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might seem a bit too hairy
But they're the super secretaries

credits

from Holiday Tripper, released October 10, 2005

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Charlie Crane Chicago, Illinois

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