Holiday Tripper

by Charlie Crane

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about

Christmas is 1/365th of the average year, yet it gets nearly all the songs. These 15 tunes are my attempt to redress the balance. Upon its original release, "Holiday Tripper" sold about 8 copies - not a terrible figure considering the lack of promotional muscle I put behind it, but fairly disappointing considering how satisfied I was with the finished project.

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released October 10, 2005

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Charlie Crane Chicago, Illinois

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Track Name: New Year's Day
I make a resolution every January 1st
How I'll never have a party like December 31st
I'll always creative ways of quenching all my thirst
Cuz it won't last

I make a resolution every January 1st
My tongue is tasting terrible, the headache is much worse
It will not be the last time and it's surely not the first
No, it won't last

As the new year comes, I look into the mirror
And I never like the things that I see
Could it be the holiday or could it be the beer
That brings out the very worst in me?

I make a resolution every January 1st
All my promises are empty, my excuses are rehearsed
I begin to think the pattern can never be reversed
Cuz it won't last

As the new year comes, I listen to my voice
And I never like the things that I hear
Could it be procrastination, could it be my choice
That never makes it through the new year?

I make a resolution every January 1st
I wonder how long I can go before the bubble bursts
And all my well-intentioned plans are completely disbursed
Cuz it won't last
Track Name: Groundhog Day
the cameras are all pointing inside a hole
about 15 minutes till the creature will show
we got an anchorman preening and a-combin his hair
interviewin' some farmer bout the history there

he's sayin

if a groundhog comes and his shadow's there
we've got six more weeks of winter to bear
but if he sees no shadow he sees no spring
he's a remarkable creature for the weather he brings

it's been around in cultures for long
in fact, some would even sing this song

If Groundhog Day be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Groundhog Day brings clouds and rain,
Go Winter, and come not again.

the farmer finished all of his interviews
and we went back to you with the action news
and the director said that's a wrap over here
let's take 5 before that groundhog appears

they finished all their bagels and shakes
a-waiting for that groundhog to wake

If Groundhog Day be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Groundhog Day brings clouds and rain,
Go Winter, and come not again.

and so the lights and the cameras and the news teams are there
about 15 seconds till we're going to air
but when the groundhog came the lights were way too bright
he saw his shadow on the ground and he said goodnight

they tried to broadcast nature's peaks
and gave our winter 6 extra weeks

If Groundhog Day be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Groundhog Day brings clouds and rain,
Go Winter, and come not again.
Track Name: St. Valentine's Day
it's valentine's day and i'm afraid i'm feeling blue
i have to spend another holiday where i am not with you

it's valentine's day and it's a shame i feel so down
i have to coop up in my bed when you're not in this town

i'm taking doctor's orders, he says it's for the best
my sickness will be shorter with a few days of bedrest
but i still feel depressed

it's valentine's day and even though i'm all alone
i still can call you on the phone and you'll be in my home

it's valentine's day and i'm afraid i can't see you
the doc says it's contagious and i fear you'd catch it too

it's valentine's day and it's a pity how i feel
i was going to take you out tonight to have a romantic meal

the way i look would appall you, my skin is pale my eyes are glazed
but ever since i thought to call you i feel a lot less dazed
in fact, you'd be amazed

it's valentine's day and it is very plain to see
the wonders of technology if they brought you to me
Track Name: April Fool's Day
I woke up the day after you left me
I looked around my room and felt so scared
I couldn't ever talk about you deftly
Or listen to the music that we shared

And what was love in March was naught but apathy by May
And when you broke my heart, you couldn't have chose a better day
You didn't change your course, you didn't see the damage done
You climbed on your high horse and then you rode into the sun

Because you made me an April Fool
Yeah, you made me an April Fool
Yeah, you made me an April Fool when you went away

I ran into you at a late-night diner
You cocked an eyebrow and asked "how are you?"
I smiled and said "I never have felt finer"
But I could tell you knew it wasn't true

And what was here today is over when the next month ends
Although I heard you say that you still wanted to be friends
The happiness and glee had vanished like a puff of smoke
The time you spent with me was just a practical joke

Because you made me an April Fool
Yeah, you made me an April Fool
Oh, you made me an April Fool when you went away
Track Name: Secretary Day
Choosing appointments to postpone
Answering the office phone
Their mom says that they've got a cold
But you have to put them on hold

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might seem way too hairy
But they're the super secretaries

Typing papers about school events
Making school-wide announcements
Baseball practice is canceled
Talking to people who've been expelled

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might make you quite weary
But they're the super secretaries

Being there makes you quite astute
As to which classes need substitutes
But the thankless chore has gotten much better
With the unpaid assistance of office helpers

It might make you go berserk
But it's all in a day's work
The job might seem a bit too hairy
But they're the super secretaries
Track Name: May Day
May Day, I know there's a way I can get you back on my side
My days have been spent so gray since you went away to hide

I tried so hard, now I see the error of my ways
Although I've been scarred, I can't keep from waiting for this day

May Queen, you'll see what I mean when I top your head with a crown
I'm keen, we're only 14 but we know what's going down

I took a chance and I felt something strange in my soul
I asked you to dance, and so we met at the maypole

Green Man tells me to take your hand and he'll guide the rest from there
His plan helps me understand why there's flowers in your hair

We welcomed spring and saw the flowers all abloom
We danced in rings and then we retired to my room
Track Name: Mother's Day
Sit down, take the bee from your bonnet
There's a couch here with your name on it
Steal your cigar, try it on for a size
It's my turn to psychoanalyze

I think I've figured out why you're depressed
Looking at the memories you've repressed

I know it's grey
You're Sigmund Freud on Mother's Day
You don't know what to say
Oedipus would have a field day
It's gotta be hard
Sending an awkward greeting card
To Mom, with finest regards
You've gotta put down your guard

I've thought of more reading your journal
Get in touch with feelings maternal
Call her up and be an amigo
You can reclaim your superego

As you've said yourself, nothing's as it seems
The next step is interpreting your dreams

I know it's grey
You're Sigmund Freud on Mother's Day
You don't know what to say
Oedipus would have a field day
It's gotta be hard
Sending that Hallmark greeting card
To Mom, with finest regards
You have to throw down your guard
Track Name: Flag Day
Nightfall, an exhibition
Flinching for malnutrition
Interruptions bountiful in bags
Every house lined with a flag

Jaundice and necrophilia
Oozing with memorabilia
Starving inane passage anyway
This was a rotten Flag Day

Ozone angel passageway
Premonitions shield the bay
Whispered lessons of the sage
Consenting Mayan promenade

Sudden newfound decision
Unconscious television
Rose is rose is a rosary
You made a flag just for me

Headwounds fade and start to pray
Comprehending alleyways
Zaire ended Saturday
Drastic bread on hit parade

Ennui and amputated nights
Nonchalance marked the many fights
Victories rolled in the hay
This was a rotten Flag Day

This was a rotten Flag Day
Track Name: Father's Day
Eric wasn't too sure about what he should do with his life
He never thought about jobs, about stocks, about picking a wife
So he was tooling around and just waiting for something to click
And in the time in between he thought he should hook up with a chick

And so, being a hunk
He did not get her drunk
But she wondered how she got this way
Was she drugged? Was she tricked?
It was over too quick
Well, she blinked and she missed the foreplay

9 months later...

Eric waltzed into town looking for his new bundle of joy
He got cigars and balloons and a card that said "look, it's a boy!"
But when he met the boy's mom, he found out a few unpleasant facts
You've got to pay for him too, so he did his disappearing act

So he left all this mess
And he changed his address
And he changed his apartment's old lock
And he traveled around
Going from town to town
Until he hit the bottom of rock

And 9 years later...

Eric knocked on the door just in time for a June Father's Day
But then his precious son's mom asked him "don't you have something to say?"
So he turned his attentions below and he saw that his son's face was glad
He got a shiny balloon and a card that "World's Greatest Dad"
Track Name: Independence Day
Silence isn't always apathy
And justice isn't always peace
Not all fire is worthy
Of a plea to have it cease

You don't have to smile when you're happy
The sad don't always cry
And the sun doesn't always shine
On the fourth of July

Ideals aren't always noble
It depends on how they're portrayed
The truth isn't always global
There's an infinite valley of grey

The wicked are sometimes the winners
Cuz sometimes the worthy don't try
And the sun doesn't always shine
On the fourth of july

The church isn't filled with bibles
The streets aren't filled with thugs
Sometimes the ending ain't final
There's more of an awkward shrug

You don't have to bow at the curtain call
You can leave without saying goodbye
Cuz the sun doesn't always shine
On the fourth of July
No the sun doesn't always shine
On the fourth of July

I know the sun doesn't shine on the fourth of July
I know the sun doesn't shine on the fourth of July
I know the sun doesn't shine on the fourth of July
I know the sun doesn't shine on the fourth of July
Track Name: Labor Day
The pedals - the driver floored 'em
To relieve his suburban boredom
So we did some donuts in the park little girl, woah

The tires squealed and criss-crossed
While my nose smelt the pungent exhaust
And before long, the sky was growing dark little girl, woah

But there's no school today
And so there are no rules today
So we can have some fun today
When we're not on the run today

(Labor Day!)

We battled with lightsabers
But our laughing woke the neighbors
And they told us if we were wise we would stop little girl, woah

You can't be here at such an hour
Throwing rocks at the watertower
So relocate or we are calling the cops little girl, woah

We cannot loiter in the street
Because the neighbors called the heat
But we can get a buzz today
By running from the fuzz today

(Labor Day!)

Because there is no school today (Because there is no school today)
And so there are no rules today (And so there are no rules today)
And we can have good times today (And we can have good times today)
Commit some petty crimes today

Labor Day!
Track Name: Sweetest Day
I say my friends are cynical, they say that I'm naive
We used to share a point of view, but now I can't believe
That Sweetest Day was born in a meeting selling greeting cards
Cuz if that's true, why is my heart beating this hard?

My friends say that I'll rock the boat, they say I've missed the ship
They try so hard to get my goat, they say that I've been whipped
But Sweetest Day is in a fortnight, and tonight I am here
Trying to think of the right gift for my dear

Once before I have been bitten
I should be shy but I'm too smitten
With this girl cute as a kitten at play

I see her and I stutter words
I have to make these feelings heard
And ask her on October's third Saturday

To be my sweetest
To be my sweetest
To be my sweetest
To be my sweetest
Track Name: Halloween
Well it's Halloween night and the kids go around door to door
With a basket of sweets and a head full of cobwebs and gore
But I'm all alone and I think I know why
All the kids every year will just pass my house by
Though it's Halloween night and kids go around door to door

No one comes to my house even though I have so many treats
Don't even care about tricks, I'm just looking for someone to meet
But the kids in the town avoid my house like disease
Because it's kind of set back and surrounded by trees
No one comes to my house even though I have so many treats

The word on the street says I live in a haunted house
And no one dares to come inside, not even a mouse
And today is the scariest day of the year
But no one comes around cuz they're frozen with fear
The word on the street says I live in a haunted house

And it's not just my house that the people all seem to avoid
When I walk down the street it seems I have stepped into a void
When I go to the store I am not shocked to find
That the cashiers will not notice that I'm in line
Oh, it's not just my house that the people all seem to avoid

And I'm starting to think that I may be no more than a ghost
Because nobody comes by and I never get mail in the post
And that would explain why no one comes around
When I shout, it could be that no one hears a sound
So I'm starting to think that I may be no more than a ghost

The word on the street says I live in a haunted house
And no one cares to come inside, not even a mouse
But if I was a ghost, I'd be the last one to know
I wouldn't be surprised if I died years ago
Cuz the word on the street says I live in a haunted house
Track Name: Thanksgiving
Hey guys!

I know that our history has been sorta dark
Since you made corn and turkey with Lewis & Clark
But there's a lot of forgiveness where we're from
So sit down, help yourself to some broken breadcrumbs

As a thanks for giving us the country
A thanks for giving us the country

Listen -

I wouldn't blame you if you held a grudge through the years
After all the massacres and the trails of tears
And I know that it's wrong to put a price upon your pain
But have a Sacajawea dollar all the same

As a thanks for giving us the country
A thanks for giving us the country

You can have your culture, you can have your pride
Just remember that we're really all the same inside
Won't you join us in the brave new world we've made
Where you're just another float in the big parade

So thanks for giving us the country
Well, thanks for giving us the country
I said thanks for giving us the country
Yeah, thanks for giving us the country
Track Name: New Year's Eve
It's New Year's Eve
And it makes me want to grieve
Because away a year has passed
And for me it has gone to fast

How'd I get here
And what happened to the year
It seems a real short time ago
That it was going much too slow

Down a long road I have winded
And I'll need to be reminded
Not to write this year on papers
It's no more, it's one year later

Now and then I feel the yearning
For the spring to be returning
But when it reaches May
Will I waste it like today?

It's New Year's Eve
And the snow has stripped the leaves
I need to shovel up my yard
And write some thank-you Christmas cards

The year's complete
And the drunkards fill the streets
And they're all howling at the moon
Singing Auld Lang Syne out-of-tune

Down a long road I've been speeding
But I fear I've been misleading
Cuz new years seldom end an era
There's no need for such hysteria

Everybody is pretending
That today the world is ending
But when the ball drops
I know that nothing's gonna stop

It's New Year's Eve
And I still cannot believe
It seems I'm living in the past
Cuz nothing ever really lasts

How'd I get here
And what happened to the year?
It seems a real short time ago
That it was going much too slow

We're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
Until we make ourselves sound witty
We're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
Until we drop
We're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
Until the ugly girls look pretty
We're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
Until the pretty girls look hot

We're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
A few too many
Yeah, we're gonna drink drink drink drink drink
Right down the drain
And then we'll puke puke puke puke puke puke puke
Until we're empty
We're gonna puke puke puke puke puke
Until we fill back up again